Almost Impossible Chapter 13

Chapter 13

After the meeting ended I was walking away with Jake when I realized that I had to go home with Leah and I let out a heavy sigh.

"What?" he asked.

"Why Leah's?"

"I don't really know," he answered. After thinking a little bit. "I'm sure Sam would have said you could stay at his house with Emily, she would have liked that, but he still gets scared letting her around the new members," he said, looking ahead.


"Oh," I didn't really understand and he explained.

"You never really know how a new werewolf will react to things and well he knows a lot about that."

"Right," I said. I suddenly remembered. He was afraid I would attack Emily for some reason. I couldn't see how anything with Emily would make me mad or anything close to it. Emily and I had always gotten along, until tonight I thought that would have been the same. But also, I couldn't blame him. I could never imagine phasing and attacking, but it's happened, even to the one that person loved. I couldn't risk that. I worried about Charlie all over again.

"At least Leah, even though she can't stand you," he laughed. "Knows what you're going through and she's a girl, she can probably help you with the whole controlling things better... Maybe, even if she might be the one who ends up causing the problems." I laughed with him. It was a weird thought, thinking Leah could help me. I couldn't imagine that at all.

"You're an ass Jake," Leah called, coming up out of nowhere.

"Just stating the facts," he said, still laughing.

"Right," she commented. "All right, if you're coming with me, we'd better get going. Mom already knows."

I swallowed hard. I couldn't remember the last time I stayed the night at a girl's house, at least a girl that wasn't a vampire anyways. Jake heard my reaction and it made him laugh even more.

"Bella, you'll be fine," he said.

"Yes, I'm sure I will be." I turned to give him a kiss. When I tried to pull away, he gripped me tighter, he was sure healing fast all right, and the kiss was much more than I was intending it to be.

Leah cleared her throat. "All right guys I'm about to puke here," she said.

Jake and I both laughed. "Goodnight Bells," he said.

"Goodnight," I repeated and we both walked away.

The walk to Leah's was awkward, to say the least. We didn't talk and she kept an unneeded distance between us that was somewhat childish. I would have done just about anything to have been able to run back to Jake's and lie to Charlie, but Sam didn't want me to, for whatever reasons, and I couldn't argue. But Leah's? This must have been a test of some kind. If there was anyone who could piss me off the most, possibly enough for me to not control myself, surely it would be Leah.

Once we finally got to her house, there was a truck in the driveway and I recognized it right away.

"Great, Emily's here," she muttered.

I felt relieved at first, but then I remembered that Emily was mad at me or something. Nothing could have made this day any more of a mess than it already was. I didn't say anything.

As soon as we got into the house, Emily met us at the front door.

"Hi Leah, hi Bella," she said smiling, but it faded as she looked at me. Instead of mad like before, she looked somewhat sad now. "I don't know what you're plans are for tonight, but I was wondering if I could talk to Bella for little bit."

Great. I knew this wasn't going to be good. I just wanted to crawl into whatever I was going to be sleeping on and sleep until I could see Jake again. This was going far from that plan.

"S-Sure," I said, shifting my weight to my other foot and started to walk back out the door.

"Do whatever you want," Leah said and stomped to the back of the house.

I walked out to where to where Sam's truck was and leaned against it.

"What's up Emily?" I asked.

"I just wanted to talk," she said, but I knew it was more than that.

"About?"

"Well, I know you don't have any girls to talk to, and I know sometimes it's easier to talk to a girl. No matter how close you and Jake are things, I'm sure, get awkward."

She was right, there were things I felt weird asking Jake or anyone else about, but I didn't know how to ask her those things either. I couldn't really think of those specific things at the moment.

"Uh, so far, I don't really have any questions," I said.

"Oh. Well, I know I may not be your closest friend or anything, but I'm here if you need me. I know I may not be able to answer much, since I only know what you know."

"I appreciate it Emily, I really do. I just can't think of anything to ask. For once, things seem to be ok. I'm actually ok with what's going on. "

"Really?" she asked, and I could tell this was leading to what she was really here for. Not that she didn't honestly care about me.

"Yeah, really. I mean, it scares me yeah, but what can I do? Once I started looking at it more clearly, I realized there's really nothing horrible about it. I can be with Jake and I'm still considered human." I laughed at that last part. "But overall, I guess until the next problem I find, I'm ok with it all." There are always problems.

"Wow, I couldn't imagine that. I mean, going through all of that. But at least you knew everything beforehand. That had to help a lot," she said, and I couldn't describe the look in her eyes at that moment.

"Yeah, it actually helped a lot." I couldn't take it anymore. "Emily, is something wrong?" I asked.

"No, nothing is wrong," she answered, but I could tell she was lying.

"Are you-" I started to say, but she cut me off.

"I'm... Well... A little jealous I guess."

That surprised me. I didn't even know what to say to that. So I settled on, "Really?"

"Yeah. I've always, in some weird way, felt like I was a part of the pack. I enjoy what I do for them, a lot , but sometimes I wish I could know more, be involved more. I wish that I was able to get out there and protect our people too and, in a way, know that I can protect Sam in the same ways he protects me. I know it's silly and may even be stupid to want such a thing, while everyone else wishes the opposite, but I do."

I knew what she meant, exactly. I knew what it was like to have the people you know and love out risking their lives while you sit back and hope they return safely. Only difference is everyone was always protecting me in the process of that and at least now, I could protect myself. Better anyways. I also wanting to be like the one you love, so you could get out there to protect yourself so everyone else wasn't doing it for you.

"Emily, it's not silly or stupid. I know what you mean. I felt the exact same way and I'm glad I can now. I hated being pushed aside, being weak, and watching everyone, not knowing anything, because they were afraid I couldn't handle it or would worry too much, like that was even possible. And I don't wish the opposite and I guess that is why I am ok with this now."

She smiled. "Well, I guess we're both a little relieved now," she laughed.

"Yeah. I thought about telling Jake I felt that way, but I'm already afraid everyone thinks I'm crazy," I told her.

"Yeah, Sam thinks it's pretty weird how accepting you are of it all. He thought for sure you would have freaked out and turned into a complete panicked mess after you knew what was going on. I told him to have a little faith in you, you've been around a lot of weird." she laughed again.

"Thanks. Well, I was starting to freak out, then, I don't know... I just got over it. I guess when you're faced with something you have no control over, there's really no reason to spend so much time freaking out about it. Now, when I phased for the first time, that was worth panicking over," I said and we both stood there laughing for a minute or too.

We stood there talking for a while. She asked me some questions, I didn't mind it at all; actually it was nice to talk about it. She asked me about how it felt to change and described it to her the best way I could. After that that she asked me about not being able to hear the packs' voices.

"It was weird. I had figured that when I phased I would hear them talking to me, but I didn't hear anything and I felt very alone. I had no idea what to do and had no idea why I was pinning Edward to my truck, but in the moment of panic I just took off through the woods to think about it, but never came up with anything till I was with the pack later on."

"That must have been kind of scary, not hearing anyone when you know you're supposed to. Especially with what you were about to do. But at least you knew what was going on and knew they were all out there somewhere. I wonder why it is you can't hear them sometimes," she said.

"Yeah. I was very glad I knew everything Jake had told me about it and glad I realized there was something changing with me before I figured it out at the last minute. But I don't really know why it is people can't really access my head. I can't really complain though; it has it's good points," I said and started laughing again.

After a while we said our goodbyes and she went home. When I walked back into the house Leah was on the couch watching TV.

"You're sleeping in Seth's room," she told me. And I just stood there. "He's out with Embry tonight," she added.

I was a little uncomfortable with that, but I ignored it, too tired to think twice. She got up, showed me where his room was and then walked into what I assumed was her room. I didn't bother with the blankets since I wasn't cold; I just kicked off my shoes and lay on top of the sheets. I was out as soon as my head touched the pillow.

I woke up the next morning to the sun shining brightly on my face. I opened my eyes and saw that the curtains were open and couldn't remember if they were shut the night before or not. It was weird waking up in the Clearwater's home and I didn't know if I should leave right away or stay to be polite. I knew Leah wouldn't care either way.

I got out of bed, stretched, and slipped my shoes back on. I opened the bedroom door and noticed a bathroom right across the hall. I walked quietly in and closed the door behind me. I knew I was out of luck for a tooth brush and a hair brush, but at least there was a mirror. My hair was a mess and I did my best to comb through it with my fingers. After I heard some movement around the house I decided to stop stalling and go and see who it was.

I walked down the hallway and turned into the kitchen. Leah was sitting down eating breakfast alone. I walked in, feeling completely awkward, and sat down in the chair sort of opposite of her.

"Jake called," she said and looked up at me. I smiled, but she just glared. "He says you can head over there whenever you wake up."

"Ok," I said and started to stand up, but when I pushed the chair back, she spoke again.

"Did you really love him before, or is it only because you imprinted?" she asked sharply.

I had no idea how to answer that, but I just went with the truth. "Yes. I loved him."

"What about the leech?" she was just curious, but her tone still held warning.

"Nothing." That was the best I could say.

"Nothing? You don't love him anymore? Just like that? No feelings at all anymore, not even regret? Sad? Something?"

All that surprised me and I saw a little hurt in her eyes. It took me a second to realize that she must have been comparing this to what had happened with Sam.

"It's hard to explain Leah. At one point, I believed I really was in love with Edward. I always wanted to be with him, my life revolved around him and well, only him. I had to sneak to come here and he was always telling me what I should or shouldn't do. Sure, he was only looking out for me, in his own way, but I don't know. With Jake everything is so much different, so free. I feel like I can breathe with Jake after not being able to with Edward. I was actually questioning all that before the kiss. Just now, I see more things more clearly."

She seemed loosen up a little bit, even though I didn't. I still didn't understand how I could be completely in love with Edward one minute then the next I wasn't. Then I thought about that time when he left me to "protect" me. It was what he felt was right, without considering my feelings. And who helped me? Jake. Jake accepted who I was, without having me explain things. I think I may have been stuck on Edward leaving more than I thought I was and the more I thought about that, the more I realized it was true. Everything I did was a reaction to me hoping he wouldn't leave me again soon as things got too dangerous.

"Well, I guess when you imprint it's not like you can go back to him," she said and started to say something else, but I interrupted.

"I don't want to."

"Good."