Almost Impossible Chapter 20

Chapter 20

After such a long and emotional night, I had woken up feeling pretty well rested for once. It was a little comforting knowing there was still a little while before the Volturi would come. I wasn’t quite sure how I able to and I knew it wasn’t good, but I did it anyways. There was so little to really find comfort in lately. None of us were able to.

Jake and I were hardly able to really be alone and I missed the old days when we were so comfortable with each other. After everything has happened the main focus was pack stuff and when it’s not neither of us could stop thinking about pack related things.




I’ve noticed it was the same with the guys and their imprints. Jared never had the time for Kim, Quil missed playing with Claire, even with Sam and Emily I could tell it was hard. I think secretly we all worked a little harder for that. The normal stuff.

Thinking of the normal stuff was what made me smile as I got out of bed finally. I went over to grab some clothes out of the dresser for my shower and I caught a look at my calendar. I think it was the first time I had looked at it in weeks. I wasn’t even sure what the date was. That was a little strange, especially for me.

I forgot about everything once I was in the shower. The warmth of the water made my muscles relax and I realized that I had muscles I didn’t even know were there. The smell of my shampoo always made me feel good too, after spending all day every day it forest with a bunch of guys.

Once I had gotten out, dried myself off, and got dressed, I walked downstairs and I must have just missed Charlie because his coffee cup was still a little warm. I put some pop tarts in the toaster and went to the fridge to poor some juice. I walked over to the table to put my juice down and I spotted the newspaper. Since the newborns, I never really cared to look at the paper again, but I glanced at it anyways.

I skimmed over the date and some of the headlines, nothing too major. After a moment of reading, my mind and body froze. I looked back at the date and thought of a couple of a couple things. As the toaster popped, one thought sunk through.

My period was late.

A rush of panic ran through me along with millions of different thoughts. There was no way that could even be possible.

More and more absurd thoughts filled my head. At one point I was wondering if there were something else in the Legends that was unknown about the human girl who phased. The next thought was maybe Jake and I did do something and just didn’t remember it.

What the hell is going on here? It could be stress, couldn’t it? I mean, I have been under a lot of that lately, I thought, trying to calm myself.

Everything in my head was all pushed aside by the ringing of the phone and the growling in my stomach. I grabbed my pop tarts as I walked over to answer the phone.

“Hello?” I said.

“Hey.” It was Jake.

“Hi,” I said, trying hard not to think about anything.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“What? Oh, nothing. Just woke up,” I lied.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“Just wondering when you were coming out here. We have more stuff to discuss about last night and the uh, Volturi.” I could tell he wasn’t taking the Volturi very seriously. I sighed.

“I’m on my way. I was just making some pop tarts, but I’m leaving now.”

“Ok. See you in a few.”

“Yeah,” I said as I hung up.

If I was really trying to convince him nothing was wrong, I did a horrible job. I don’t know how to bring it up to him, or even if I should, but I was really curious. I’ve never had to worry about such a thing and once I did, it was terrifying.

I thought about it the whole way over to Jake’s house. I thought of all the possibilities.

I thought about how it could have stopped because of what I have become, or maybe that there was something wrong with me. I was never too big on the possibilities of having kids, but once I thought it might not be an option anymore, I realized that one day I would want at least one. And if I couldn’t, how would Jake feel about that? I had to stop myself from thinking. That might not even be the case, so I was worrying over probably nothing.

I was relieved once I got to Jake’s, he was always a good distraction, but once I got out of my truck and walked up to the door, I didn’t really feel much better. Right as I got to the door another thought popped into my head. I vaguely remember something, thought I’m not sure from where, but something about Leah and something about the having the same problem. I would have to ask her about that… Then again, maybe not.

Just as I reached my hand up to knock Jake opened the door.

“Hey Bells,” he said as he gave me a hug and a kiss.

“Hey,” I said, trying to snap myself back to the present.

“Are you sure there is nothing wrong? You seem deep in thought about something.” He was staring at me through narrow, confused eyes.

I put on the most believable smile I could. “I’m fine. So, what are we doing now?”

I didn’t know if he believed the smile or not, but either way, he dropped it.

“We’re having a meeting, but since the most of the pack is out on patrol, we’re just going out back. We should probably get going now; I think most of them are out there already.”

“Ok let’s go then.”

I would rather be in someone else’s thoughts than my own right now. Hopefully it will stop me from thinking about it. It didn’t help much though, I was still thinking my problem when we phased, but I caught myself and focused on what Sam was saying.

So we’re going to have to patrol now more than ever. Everyone is going to have to help out so we can all make sure we get sleep too. I don’t care what the little leech says, we stay focused and keep up your strength; always be prepared. Bella, that means you too. We’re going to need you out there as well, though there we will be someone extra out the same time as you, since well… you know, Sam told us.

Yeah. That’s fine with me. What times would be best? I needed anything to distract me from what was going on. I hated the fact that it meant even less alone time with Jake, but unfortunately it was needed.

I think for your sake it would be best if you switched on an off days and nights. If you keep sneaking out every night Charlie will eventually notice and if you are out everyday, he will question you more. Does that sound out with everyone? You will start your shift tonight at about… One am.

Sounds good. I said, and everyone else agreed too. It was weird, but I was actually looking forward to it. I shook my head at the crazy thought and Jake and Quil laughed.

While everyone else was going over there next shifts and who wanted which time and why, my mind slipped again and I regretted it. Before I could even think ‘It was late’ everyone was silent. I froze with embarrassment, everyone stayed quiet, except for Leah and Jake.

Bella? What do you mean? Jake asked.

Late how? Leah asked, her tone wasn’t her usual angry tone she used towards me.

I well… Uh, I didn’t know what to say first. I could see all the questions flashing through everyone’s heads at once.

Most of the guys were thinking that Jake messed up and “knocked me up”. Sam was wondering how the hell it happened. Apparently he know more than I thought he did. Jake was still wondering what I meant, because he knew we hadn’t done anything and for a split second he wondered if I was with anyone other than Edward. I was about to yell at him, but then he told himself it was stupid and went back to questioning what I had meant. Leah’s thoughts stood out the most to me though; she wondered if it was possibly the same thing that was wrong with her.

My brain was throbbing, all of that from three tiny words.

Shut up please! I yelled. I couldn’t take it anymore. All their accusations were like a weight pushing me down, I couldn’t even form my own thoughts as I tried to answer them, but all at once they were quiet for a moment.

Bella, can you explain please? Jake asked. He sounded hurt.

Ok it’s nothing like what you guys are thinking, seriously. I’m a… I mean, I haven’t… Damnit! I don’t know why I’m late. I just noticed it this morning. No Jake didn’t “knock me up” and no I wasn’t with anyone else. There is no reason to explain it, I snapped. It came out more of a growl though and I was too angry to hear anyone else’s thoughts. I was wishing more than anything I could phase back. The pressure from them all was way too much.

Either you guys phase back or we will. Either way Bella, you and I should talk. Sam said.

What? I didn’t even think about talking to Sam about it. I didn’t want to. It was hard enough thinking about talking to Jake about it. I ran while focusing hard on changing back, even though I was angry, I was able too. I heard Jake start to say something as I phased, but I ignored him.

I got dressed in a hurry, I had no idea who would it would be that would come after me and at this point I didn’t really care. After I was fully dressed I started walking towards the beach, but Sam stopped me.

“Bella, are you ok?” he asked.

“I wish people would stop asking me that,” I mumbled as I kicked a pile of rocks.

He looked confused for a moment, but then he nodded. “So can you tell me what exactly is going on now that we’re alone and I can hear it?”

I hated having to talk to a guy about this and of all the guys there, it had to be Sam. Kind of sucks being a girl in a pack of guys, well except for Leah…

I sighed and started to explain. “I didn’t mean to start such a big thing about it and I’m sorry I did. It’s just that I noticed the date this morning and started thinking about how fast the time has gone by, then I the thought popped in out of nowhere. I know for a fact I’m not pregnant, so I have no idea what it could be. I’m worried something might be wrong with me.” I blurted it all out. There was no use in hiding it, he would hear it sooner or later, even if I preferred later, I still had to tell him.

“Hmm…” he said.

That’s it? All I get is a Hmm….? That’s just lovely.

I turned the opposite direction, trying to walk away from him. Stupid guys, no point in talking to them, they never understand.

“Hey, wait a minute,” he called as he ran to catch back up with me.

“What?” I stopped and turned to face him.

“Why don’t you let me handle this,” I heard Leah call from the trees. Great. Least she might be able to help.

“Good timing,” Sam told her.

“Yeah, yeah. Why don’t you go back to the pack and let us talk,” she told him.

“Sure.” He said. He smiled at me once as he turned to walk away. I wasn’t sure what was meant by the smile, but I’m pretty sure it meant more Good Luck than anything.

I sighed impatiently “What Leah?” I asked her. Suddenly now, more than anything, I just wanted to go home and crawl back into bed.

“I think I know what you’re going through,” she said.

“Oh, really?” I said a little sarcastically.

“Hey, I’m trying to be nice here. If you don’t want me to be, then hell I don’t care, but you won’t catch me trying again,” she said as she was turning to walk away.

“I’m sorry. There is just so much happening at once and I think it’s finally all starting to sink in. I’m really never going to be the same again,” I said, as I realized it. I knew I things would be different, but it have never officially sunk in that it all was really different now.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” she whispered and I started to see a side of Leah I never have before. Understanding.

“So what, you had the same problem I am having?” I asked, cutting to the point.

“Yeah, I was freaked out too, but I just accepted it as a part of being what I am. As if being the only girl werewolf wasn’t enough, then I lose the only thing that would have helped make me still feel somewhat normal. I mean, it’s nice not having to worry about it,” she laughed. It was a little unsettling; not something I was used to from her. “But it’s the point behind it. We’re not normal anymore. I guess, I mean, at least I’m not the only girl anymore, but that also seems to mean you’re going through that same thing.”

“What does it mean?”

“You know, I’m still not really sure. Seeing how I guess I was the first girl to become a werewolf, no one really knew the answer to it. No one has even really discussed the possibilities with me, so I take that to mean that it’s probably something I don’t want to hear anyway. I don’t even think about it anymore, until today.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say. I was hoping she would have some explanation for me, but this didn’t really help me feel any better except for knowing I wasn’t alone in the situation. “So you’re sure I’m going through the same thing?” I still had to make sure.

“We’ll I’m pretty sure. I think Sam thinks it’s the same too. At least I know now it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me specifically,” she said as she stared off into the waves as we reached them.

I thought about all the possibilities for a while. I was thankful that at least I had someone to talk to about it all, unlike Leah had.

“I always hoped one day I would find out the reason this all happened and if there was way to fix it. I hoped that maybe soon I could get the chance to really talk to someone about it. I would have never thought that that someone would have been you.” She laughed again, still lost in her thoughts.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, while I was thinking about it all.

“You just keep surprising us,” she said and I didn’t respond. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

It was weird talking to Leah normally, but it was kind of nice not having her hate me, at least not at that moment. Who knew what would happen when the conversation was over. I went back to focusing.

Since it was something that becoming a werewolf triggered, there had to be a reason, but I didn’t know where to start thinking.

It could be health related, since everything involving the female body changes was to create and carry a child. You can’t really carry a child while phasing back and forth between wolf and human. Could you?

The thoughts were coming in so fast that I didn’t even realize I had stopped walking until I noticed Leah walking back to me.

As soon as the word changes entered my mind, everything became more clear. It finally occurred to me that if you phase, your body stops changing at a certain point; you don’t grow and if you don’t grow, then how can you create a child? If our bodies stop changing, then that means everything normal stops changing too. It made sense. It’s sort of like vampires, they don’t change, so they can’t have children. Only difference there is, they are dead. We were just… Werewolves. I told Leah all of that, leaving out the part about the vampires.

“That does make sense,” she said. “I had thought about it like that once, but I always just assumed that me changing into a wolf just meant that there was something wrong with me before and then adding in the part about me not imprinting, then that just made it really seem that way.”

“Well, not all of the guys have imprinted yet either, and well I’ve imprinted,” I said, laughing at how silly it sounded. Imprinting before I was even phasing, before I even knew anything, when I was human. “So that doesn’t mean that that is the reason why you became one in the first place. It’s probably just because… Well, you know the reasons why we’ve started phasing.” Even though I understood the reasoning, I still didn’t like blaming it all on the Cullens.

“Yeah, the damn bloodsuckers. I never could and still can’t see how you could love them so damn much. It’s disgusting.” Her tone filled with disgust as she spit the words out.

“Can we focus on one thing at a time here please?”

“Yeah, sure. So you really think that is why? If we stop phasing, we should be able to go back to normal?” she said and she looked confused again.

“That’s what I think, since when you stop phasing, you start growing and aging again.” I said, but she looked deep in thought.

“Sam said once that he thought the reason we imprinted was to find the perfect mate, or something like that. It had to do with building stronger families and keeping the werewolf gene.”

“That could be the reason why. That just means our families will have to wait a while. In your case, I guess you just have to wait until you imprint. Then you can stop phasing, hopefully, and things can start to get normal again,” I said, thinking about it as I was saying it.

“Are you always so damn optimistic about things?” she asked with a little humor, but also annoyance.

“Well, I try to be,” I said and laughed.

“Well, that is something to look forward to, but what if the damn leeches never leave or what if more come if they do?” She asked, but I could tell she didn’t really expect me to answer. “The whole thing just sucks.”

“Yeah, I guess it does, but I haven’t really had the time to hate it, or even not like it yet. Right now, I still don’t know what to think about it all. I’ve really just been handling one thing wrong at a time.” I sat down on the sand, staring into the waves. Leah sat a few feet away.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“I know you don’t want to hear it,” I told her.

“Just tell me.”

I sighed. “The way I handled things with Edward, I still feel bad about just leaving him like I did. I can see how much it hurts him and there is nothing I can do about it.”

“He’ll get over it.” She smirked.

“Like you got over Sam?” I blurted and instantly regretted it. If looks could kill, I would have been torn to shreds right then.

“That is something totally different Bella. Don’t compare my problems with those-” She didn’t finish, she just looked down and sighed.

“I’m sorry Leah, but I don’t see the difference. Edward and I loved each other. Once I imprinted, I couldn’t be with him anymore; that love didn’t matter. I had to let him go and now I belong with Jacob. I see many similarities there.”

“That Edward cannot possibly be hurting as much as I did, as much as I do,” she argued.

“I seen that same look you have now in his eyes last night. I hear it in his voice and see it in the way he moves. No, I may not love him the way I did before, but not all feelings are gone, they are just no longer acted on. I love Jacob more than anything in the world and I am happy with him. I just wish there was a way for Edward to move on and be happy too. I hate seeing him hurting over this.”

“I can’t sympathize with a vampire Bella.”

“I’m not asking you to. I’m simply saying the situations are similar and maybe you can see a little into Sam’s point of view. Know that he never meant to you hurt, that he simply had no choice in the matter. I’m sure if he could, he would go back and handle the situation differently, but we can’t. We can only hope that the ones we left behind can someday find the same happiness we have now. Also like Sam, I just have to deal with what has happened and not feel so horrible about it, thought I don’t see how I can. Not with everything going on now.”

“Ok. Ok. I get it. I really do. Can we just stop talking about it now, since like you said, there isn’t anything anyone can do about these damn situations?”

“Yeah, sure. Well, since we’ve talked about what we needed to, we can go back now,” I said as I stood up, dusting the sand off myself.

“Ok. Bella,” she paused for a moment, waiting for me to turn to look at her. Her expression was unreadable. She seemed to be struggling with whatever she was about to say. “I don’t hate you. I just never really understood you, never understood how you could have chosen to be with someone like him. I still don’t, but while we’re talking about this stuff, part of my problem with you was, for a while I thought you were going to chose Jake. I was worried that you were going to get hurt too if he imprinted on someone after you chose him. I was angry because of what I was going through, and well, still am. I was angry again because you stayed with him after knowing what he has caused us.

“I have my reasons for being the way I am and I don’t feel the need to explain it. I’m just trying to say that you’re alright now that I’ve talked to you a little and got a chance to see where you’re coming from. Like I said, I still don’t understand a lot of your decisions and that’s ok, I don’t need to, but rather I’d like to admit it or not, it’s nice having someone to talk to about this who actually knows what I’m going through. Even if it’s you.” She smiled a little.

I just nodded and smiled back.

It was still weird talking to Leah about everything, but like she said, it was nice to talk to someone who knows what you are going through, or can at least relate to things in some way. I could understand now why she hated the Cullens so much. To her, they are the reason she lost Sam to begin with. I understood all of that and in a way, I agreed. It was odd to admit, but I was actually starting to like Leah.