Almost Impossible Chapter 33

Chapter 33

The past few weeks have been kind of a blur. It was quiet, calm and relaxing, but I didn't remember much of it. I was starting to think that having everything be over and back to normal was having a weird effect on me. Since I moved to Forks, I had never been able to just sit back and not have to worry about something, or someone. It felt… unnatural.

I had just got home from Emily's where we had a nice little dinner with the pack and family members. It was a bright day, something Forks seemed to have more of recently, and it was a very happy time. Most of the family members didn't know what had been going on, but with was clearly visible to them that something had happened and it was over. We were all able to relax, it was nice.


The pack was with their imprints, Charlie was barbecuing with Sam and Billy and Jake was sitting by my side laughing at something stupid Quil had said. I turned my head to see that Emily was waving for me to go into the kitchen, I had volunteered to help make the massive amounts of food for everyone. I lead over and kissed Jake on the cheek, telling him I would be back, before I stood up to walk over to the house.

I stopped halfway as a breeze blew through, scattering my hair across my face. Standing in the middle of the yard, I glanced towards the trees just watching for a moment. Something seemed oddly familiar about the situation. The joining of the family, the movements, the only thing missing was the children and the shadow in the trees. It was very similar to a dream I had had a while back. I sniffed the air cautiously, just in case, but nothing was there. I let out a sigh and smiled. After a minute I felt Jake at my side.

"What is it Bells?"

"Nothing," I said, turning to him and smile grew wider.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, absolutely." I kissed him again before making my way into the house.

I helped Emily clean up after dinner. Inside and outside was fully of the loud chatter from the people we cared about. It didn't take long though for people to start clearing out once the sun had started to set. I sat out on the back porch and watched as it fade behind the trees with the breeze blowing gently on my skin. Jake soon came out to see what I was doing and was soon followed by Charlie who was ready to head home since he had work the next day.

I stayed only a few minutes after Charlie had left, making sure the house was back to the way it was before everyone had piled in. I said my goodbyes and walked with Jake out to my truck. The goodbye to him was a tad bit longer, but soon I was so tired I couldn't possibly kiss him any longer. He laughed as I pulled out of the driveway, oddly trying my hardest not to fall asleep at the wheel. It was something I had never had a problem with before.

Charlie was already in bed when I had gotten home. I glance around the house, but couldn't take it anymore, I had to sleep. I was completely exhausted as I walked upstairs towards my bed. My vision was blurring and I wanted so badly to close my eyes. I hadn't done that much, so I wasn't sure what could have been causing the tiredness so strongly. All thoughts of a shower were quickly shoved aside when I reached my bed and plopped down. I stared at the ceiling for all of one second before the sleep took over, sucking me down into the blackness. I saw nothing and heard no one, just pitch black.

Sparks suddenly flowed through my body and flashes like lightening past across the back of my eyelids. It was an odd feeling. My body felt tired, just as it had before I laid down, but I couldn't move. I wasn't even sure I had really fallen asleep yet. I heard the rustling of footsteps in my room and I was startled by it. My body felt strange, different, almost as if it lacked something that I was sure was there before. I listened closely, waiting for a voice to match the two sets of feet that were pacing in my room.

Nothing was spoken, no intakes of breath, just the faint footprints, tapping lightly across the floor with each step. I felt a tightness form in my stomach as my nerves attacked. Who was in my room and why where they there? Finally, I gave in and decided the only way to find out would be to open my eyes. I blinked my lids several times, taking in the dim light from my desk. I took that to mean it was still night and tried to explain to myself that that was why I felt that way. Woken up so quickly after falling asleep.

When I turned my head slightly, it was stiff. The kind of feeling you get when you are lying in one spot for far too long. I groaned a little at the slight pain. At the same time, the pacing came to a halt, for both my unknown visitors and I could suddenly feel them on either side of me. I turned to my right more and tried to find their face in the blurriness of my vision.

"Who's there?" I called out.

"Bella, love, it's just me and Carlisle," his melodic voice was soft and cool in my ear as he spoke so closely.

"Wh-what's going on? Why are you in my room? What time is it?" My voice was rushed as I could feel the panic set in. I tried to sit up, but it was a failed attempt. I felt a cool hand on my left shoulder.

"Calm down Bella, everything is okay." Carlisle's voice was soothing, but it still left me uneasy.

"Can you answer my questions?" I asked as I was getting angry.

"You were asleep for a long time, Bella. I am here with the permission of your father to keep an eye on you and it is about two o'clock in the morning." He smiled nervously.

"I have only been asleep for about five, maybe six hours. What are you talking about?" I tried sitting up again and with the help of Edward, I was able to get halfway up as he helped me lean up against a pillow. My body felt awkward with an intense urge to stretch, but I decided against is.

"Bella, you have been asleep for four days," Edward told me. His words made no sense.

"What? Your playing a joke on me right?"

"No love, we're not."

I looked up to meet Edward's eyes and they looked so worried. I reached up slowly and gently stroked his cheek. The texture of his skin felt odd and I thought for sure I was dreaming.

"Then this has to be a dream," I told him.

"No."

I sighed as I pulled my hand from his face. I hadn't had many dreams where things felt so intense, but I didn't know what to make of it. The last time I touched any part of Edward's skin, it way so uncomfortably cold and I could almost feel the toughness in it. Now, it was just cooler than my own, but so different. What the hell was going on?

I laid there, staring straight ahead for a while. I had no idea how long the silence stretched out, but their eyes on me while I was trying to think it through was irritating. Thoughts came in faster as I started questioning everything. I knew there was one person I wanted.

"Where's Jake?" I asked, looking up at Edward. His eyes narrowed slightly.

"Jake? Why do you ask?" Again, his words confused me.

"What do you mean why do I ask?"

"He is probably back at home. He hasn't been here since the first day."

"Why?" I thought more to myself, wondering why he wasn't the one by my side waiting for me to wake. I understood Carlisle, he was a doctor and as much as I cared about Edward, Jake should have been there.

"Bella, what are you thinking?" Edward whispered as he dropped to his knees to look at me closer.

"I'm wondering what is going on and why Jake isn't here. Nothing is making sense, not that I don't mind you being here, but me sleeping for four days? It feels like just a few hours since I left La Push, not four days."

"Left La Push? Carlisle?" Edward looked even more worried and confused than before as he looked up at the doctor. It was starting to make the panic worse.

"Bella dear, what is the last thing you remember?" Carlisle spoke gently; worry was clear in his voice.

"Being in La Push with Jake and the rest of the pack. I was cooking with Emily for them and family members. We were all enjoying being able to relax with everyone since everything happened."

I looked back at Edward. He was looking down, brows furrowed in confusion. I looked back up at Carlisle and his hand rested on his chin as he seemed to be deep in thought.

"What's going on?"

"What was everything you say that happened?" Carlisle asked.

"The fight with the Volturi."

They exchanged a glance before both looking at me. I looked back and forth between the two; my heart beat was pounding heavily in my chest. They were looking at me as though I was crazy.

"Do you really think so?" Edward answered Carlisle's unspoken question.

"Will you please tell me what is going on?"

"It seems as though she don't remember anything. Maybe she was dreaming while unconscious and she believes it to be real."

"Dreaming? Whoa, seriously guys, what are you talking about?"

"Bella, you need to tell us exactly what happened. Everything with Jake and the Volturi." Carlisle's voice turned serious.

"But you were all there, why would I need to tell you? I know I messed up with the way I handled things after the newborn fight, but I apologized, I thought it was fixed, at least somewhat." I wasn't sure how that applied, for some reason I was sure they were mad at me after all. How that ended up with me being in my bed and them telling me I was unconscious for four days was beyond me, but everything was so confusing. It was the only thing I could think of.

"So you remember the newborn fight?" Edward asked cautiously.

"Yes."

They exchanged glances again.

"Please tell me what is going on."

"I will tell you as soon as I know, but for right now, I need you to tell me everything you remember from right before the newborn fight. Start with arriving at the tent in the snow." Carlisle slowly sat on the edge of my bed looking at me intently.

"Alright, though I'm not sure how it will help, I will tell you everything." I took a deep breath and started from the moment I arrived at the tent with Jake. I felt nervous about saying it out loud. For some reason, thanks to their reactions since I opened my eyes, I was completely unsure of anything.

Thoughts and questions filled my head. Was it really all a dream? Was I going crazy? Were they lying to me? Did I hit my head and lose my memory? I couldn't think of anything that made any of it seem clear. As I looked back to the past however many weeks it had been since the newborn fight, I realized how hazy it all had been. Some words, thoughts and actions weren't completely clear to me and that worried me a little more.

When I got to the part about the kiss with Jake, Carlisle and Edward looked at each other with confusion. The looks deepened as I moved on with the story. When I got to the parts about leaving to go see Jake, I could see the slight pain in Edward's eyes that I had not thought to check on him, or even talk to him after the fight. I, once again, had no clue what to make of their reactions towards any of it.

As I moved farther into the story, I was actually scared to tell them the part of the legends, but there was no holding back when I got to the part about phasing and attacking Edward. There was something in his eyes at that point that looked like a bit of humor, but it was quickly gone once the shock and pain returned. The sound of the words I spoke of almost killing him sounded foreign to me, leading me to believe more and more that I might not have been real.

I couldn't believe that something I was so sure of could have possibly been a dream. Thinking of it that way alone as a possibility was hard, but thinking that it could be real actually hurt. Could I actually of dreamed of a reality where I had imprinted on Jake because of a legend and became a werewolf? I laughed at the thought, but quickly stopped when I realized I had stopped talking and continued with the part of figuring out the Volturi were coming because of some dream I had had reminded me of their promise.

I watched as their expressions changed with everything part of the story. The shock, worry, sadness and confusion were very plainly seen. There was no masking it, nor did they even try. I supposed they were too focused on my words to pay attention to how they looked. I kept my eyes focused on the blanket at my feet. I knew their expression would affect my story and I probably wouldn't be able to finish, but I soon learned I needed to finish. I needed to know what happened just as badly as they did, if not more. I feared that my sanity was truly at risk there.

I could hear tick on Carlisle's watch as I spoke of the events that may or may not have taken place in the last few weeks. The only other noise in the room was my voice as they stared silently at me, watching my every move and focusing on my every word. As I grew closer the end of the battle, I felt slightly nauseous. The looks on their faces said the truth, the truth I suddenly feared more than anything. It never really happened.

I finished up the story, going up to the point when I had come home and gone straight to bed. I told them of how tired I was and collapsed into my bed, after barely making it up the stairs. I also mentioned how those last few days had gone by in a blur and now everything felt that way. Carlisle nodded his head as I told him that was when I woke up here.

"That makes sense," he said. "Your body was trying to wake you up, so in your dream, you were suddenly weak. That's the only way I can think of explaining it. It was taking you out of that strange world your mind created. It would also explain why you are so exhausted now, that took a lot out of you."

I felt my chest tighten and my throat thicken as tears filled my eyes.

"So… so none of that was real?" I looked between Carlisle and Edward quickly.

"No dear, I'm afraid not," Carlisle told me as he gently took my hand, startling me.

"What if… What if this is a dream. If that could have so easily been a dream, then why can't this? If feels as equally real as the other. It makes no sense. Why in the hell would I dream something like that?"

"From the little I know of dreams, it could mean several things. I know a bit about the relationship between you and Jacob Black and maybe your dream was allowing you to explore other options. Why you went in such great detail on the supernatural terms of the dream is a bit odd, but has me very curious. I will have to look into it more to give you a better detail on it.

"In my opinion though, combining the two, maybe it means that, being surrounded by us mythical creatures has taken more of a toll on you than you knew. Either direction you chose, rather it be Jacob, or Edward, you would remain human and age, at least based on decisions, while neither of them would. Jacob could if he chose, but I think you know that that would have been a bit difficult for him, giving the true nature of who and what he is. So that being said, perhaps your imagination found a way to make you a werewolf to explore options of you choosing him and truly being equal.

"I know that is something you think about often. Being equal with the ones you love, but making the correct choice. It's only natural for you to wonder what a life in the other direction could be like. Just like I'm sure that Edward has thought about what his life would be like if he had never met you. I know it would it would be a very boring one for us all," he paused to laugh for a moment and Edward just shook his head. "It is natural to be curious and there is nothing wrong with it."

"To imagine it so vividly, Carlisle, what's normal about that? To imagine being in loved, being happy and living a whole different life with another? That is normal? To wake up from being unconscious to being disappointed and sad that that life is gone is normal?" I couldn't stop the tears the rolled down my cheek as I silent cried and wondered what the hell was wrong with me. "It isn't normal to be so confused about either direction in life. If it is, than I wish I could just to back to not being normal and have the direction be clear to me."

"It doesn't work that way Bella."

"But it doesn't make hurting the ones I love and care about right either." I took a deep breath trying to calm myself, but one look at Edward ruined whatever resolve I had. "What does that mean though? Does this change how I feel? Right now I can't feel anything but anger and confusion. I hate this."I buried my face in my hands and cried harder than before.

"Bella it takes time. I promise, no one will judge you on your decision, either one that may be. You can take all the time you need."

"I don't have time, Carlisle."

"You have as much time as you are willing to give yourself," Edward said, speaking for the first time since I had finished telling the story.

I sat back with my arms folded across my chest and looked down at my arms. Why did it happen like this? Could I really believe that it was all a dream? My heart broke at the thought of it not being real. Not because of the dream itself, but actually breaking half, make my confusion stronger. Each new half belonged to two men who did not deserve the girl that I was.

The silence was deafening in the room as they each were lost in their own thoughts. I wanted so badly to be alone, but feared it even more. As I stole a glance at Edward, my heart throbbed even more. The sight of him mad my blood boil. He was the one I loved first and, from what I had believed, loved the most. Jake however was something so much more to me than I had intended. The dream may not have been real, the situation between us may have been made up, but my feelings for him weren't.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to laugh. Believing that I could have in fact become a wolf was ridiculous. I shook my head at the thought.

I realized that in order to face my confusion, I had to see Jake. I had to see if the feelings were in my head, or if they were as strong as they had felt in my dream. I glanced at the clock and it was just turning six o'clock. I pushed back the blankets and stretched my legs before I moved them to the side of the bed.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked as I tried to stand.

"I need to see Jake."

=XxX=

It took some convincing, but Edward and Carlisle finally let me leave the house after Charlie went to work. I let him believe that I was still asleep. I didn't want to have to explain it to him; I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. It was bad enough that Carlisle felt the need to tell me what it was that caused me to slip into the little coma. Hypothermia sucked. And knowing that Jake had held me the entire time during the battle made it seem like the dream made more sense. I dreamt of him as he held me and I got lost in there somewhere.

I pulled up in La Push at eight in the morning. I wasn't sure if he would be awake, but I couldn't wait any longer. I took the last steps to his door and knocked lightly. I was greeted by a shocked Billy, who apparently thought I was still stuck in sleep. I told him I had woken up a few hours before and I had a few questions for Jake. He was a bit hesitant, but as Jake came walking out of his room, he really had no choice.

Jake was more surprised to see me than Billy was. He practically ran across the room and lifted me up into his arms and swung me around, mumbling things I couldn't understand. He set me back down on my feet and I stumbled a little causing him to laugh.

"You're okay! I was so worried, Bells." The smile on his face was bright and contagious.

"Yeah I'm okay. I think anyways."

His smile dimmed a little at my words and I hated that I had spoken them. He looked up at me and when I turned away, he lifted my chin up with his finger.

"What? What is it?"

"Do you think we could talk?" I scratched my head as I pointed out the door. "I just… Something on my mind I want to discuss with you."

"Uh, okay. Sure." He told his dad that he would be back and followed me outside. He led me to the pathway that led to the beach and we walked along the shoreline. A blurry flashback to my dream sent a shiver down my spine. I had to remind myself that it was in fact a dream.

"Okay, what is it Bella? What's wrong? Did that-"

"Everything is okay," I assured him, but it didn't remove the unsure look in his eyes. "While I was asleep, if you could call it that, I had this crazy, but very realistic dream. It felt so real, when I woke up I was sure that I was a dreaming waking up." I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts so I could speak clearly.

"What was the dream?" he asked.

"It's pretty crazy, even for me." I laughed as I looked down at the sand.

"I want to hear all about it."

I took a deep breath and did just as I had with Edward and Carlisle, I started before the newborn fight. Once I Was finished, we were sitting on a fallen tree just outside of the forest. He was completely silent as he stared out into the waves, laughing only once, but then returning serious again. I picked at my finger nails, a loose string on my jacket and chewed on my bottom lip so badly I had actually made it bleed. He looked at me finally, but didn't speak at first.

"Seriously?" he asked, with his eyes narrowed.

"Yeah." I laughed, wondering why I would make that up. Then I laughed again, realizing that is was all made up.

"That is a pretty crazy dream," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, staring back out at the waves.

I sighed. "Yeah."

"How do you feel about it? I mean, have your feelings changed any?"

"Yes… No… Maybe? I'm not sure. I get the same feeling when I look at Edward from before and close to the same feeling when I look at you as I had in the dream. It's kind equal between you two right now. My thoughts are all jumbled up though. Carlisle thinks it was just a way for me to explore my options, real or not, but I can't really see that."

"Yeah, I kind of agree with him, believe it or not, but the imprinting, becoming a wolf and taking on those vampires. It's pretty unreal. Don't get me wrong, if it could actually happen, I would love for it to happen. I would love anything that involved you in my life Bells and I would do anything to get you there." He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently.

I wanted to speak, but I didn't know how. I didn't know what to say, what I was supposed to say. I just stared.

"You really think he would handle it that easily if you picked me?" he said with a laugh. I pulled my hand that was still in his away and smacked his arm playfully.

"I have no idea."

"We could find out, you know." I laughed, but stopped when I seen that he was serious.

"Jake, I think I need to take some time to figure this out. This makes it harder than before. While I'm sure that I still want Edward, a part of me is telling me that it's not the same anymore. It all makes me realize even more that it wasn't anything more than a dream, the easiness of it. It's so confusing and complicated. My choice isn't so easy now. When before I knew picking him was right, I'm not so sure. Part of me is just telling me to run for the hills and never look back."

"Maybe that is what you should do."

I looked at him, shocked. "What?"

"Okay, maybe not go and never look back, but get away for a while. Take some time for yourself, discover what you want. Bella, I don't want to rush you. As I said before, I would give anything to have you in my life, but not at the chance you would regret it later, or maybe question yourself with what-ifs. It has to be well thought out and sure."

I thought about that seriously for a moment.

Getting away wouldn't be a bad idea.