Almost Impossible Chapter 30

Chapter 30

About an hour after Charlie and Billy had returned, everyone started slowly drifting home for some much-needed rest. They are all able to enjoy the fact that it was all over and they were finally going to be able to catch up on sleep. Everyone except for me.

I knew wouldn't be able to sleep, but that didn't stop me from trying. I had decided to head home with Charlie and he was happy to have me home for once. As soon as I got home, I went upstairs and took a very long and very hot shower. I decided to go downstairs and watch whatever sports game Charlie had on TV. He was surprised that I was down there, but happy. I could tell from the smile on his face.


It was boring of course and didn't hold my attention, but it was nice to relax. Once he had fallen asleep, I decided to go upstairs and lay down. I thought about maybe reading since it was something I hadn't done in what seemed like forever. I went through three different books before I decided that nothing would take my mind off everything that had gone on. Everything reminded me of the events in the past, good and bad. I then decided that maybe sometime in the next couple of days, I would have to take a trip to the bookstore.

I turned out the lights and laid in bed for a few hours before I was finally able to drift off to sleep. I woke up several times to different nightmares. They were mostly of the fighting between vampires and wolves, very vivid and violent. When the sun finally rose, I gave up and went downstairs to make breakfast. I made pancakes, bacon and eggs for Charlie. I didn't have much of an appetite, but once he came downstairs, I made myself eat a little bit.

After asking me if I was okay several times, Charlie finally gave up and went to work. It was quiet for most of the morning, until Jake came over. I felt better once I was in his arms on the couch, watching a movie and having some much needed us time, but something still felt weird. I knew it would take time as Carlisle had said, to feel better about the events of the day before and I could only hope he was right. One specific detail left me feeling wrong. Edward.

Thoughts of him were what kept me up all night. In between the nightmares of battle, I had a few of him being killed. I loved him once; it was safe to say that a part of me always would. Thinking of him being gone forever, it just wasn't right. Something felt wrong with the world. Being happy that the threats were gone, at least just for a while, felt wrong. The whole situation left me wondering. I felt myself getting completely lost in thoughts about it more than I wanted too.

Jake knew there was something wrong and he knew what it was, so he didn't bother asking. He just did what he could to make me feel better. He tried to keep me distracted. He would put on all of my favorite movies and even offered to let me read him some parts of my favorite books as we had talked about once. He wanted me to help him understand why I loved the books that I did. I just wasn't in the mood. He had even rented the movie we had gone to see in theaters a while back. Face Punch. While that was entertaining for a while, making fun of it the way he had before, it eventually ended.

We went to the rez for a while. He helped Sam work on his truck and I sat in the living room with Emily. She talked about many different things, from different recipes she wanted to try, to being happy that she didn't have to worry about Sam so much, at least not for a while. I kept in on the conversations, but she too knew something was wrong.

After a while I decided it was time to head back home and get dinner started for Charlie. I invited Jake to come over, be he said that Charlie and I needed to spend more time together, I didn't argue. I put on my happy face before I went inside, but it didn't fool him thought. I was starting to wonder if anything ever really had.

Once dinner was done, eaten and cleaned up, I said goodnight and went upstairs. I could feel it was going to be another repeated night, but I tried to sleep anyways. I woke up after about hour of sleep from another nightmare. I was glad they weren't the screaming kind like I used to have, these just had me waking up painfully gasping for air. I was ok once I realized I was at home in my bed. It was really just that hard to believe everything had turned out the way it had.

While I was sitting up in bed, leaning my head against the headboard thinking things over, I heard a tap on my window. I smiled as I threw the blankets back, thinking it was Jake. I had started thinking maybe I would get some better sleep if he stayed over, but I wasn't prepared for what I was about to see outside my window.

"Edward?" I gasped in shock.

"You think I could come in?" he asked, sitting on the branch of the tree outside my window.

"Oh. Oh! Of course," I said, throwing the window open and standing back as he jumped in.

"W-what the hell," I started, but words failed me.

"What?" he asked, looking at me with a hint of his crooked smile.

"You're… You're supposed to be dead."

"Would you rather I be, because I can arrange that," he said, gesturing out the window and I punched his arm. "Oh. I forget you're a bit stronger now." He laughed, rubbing the spot I had hit.

"What happened? They said you were killed, but…"

"I'm not?" he laughed again.

"Will you stop joking around. I'm serious."

"I know and I'm sorry. It's just, the look on your face just now. If I didn't know any better… I have never seen you so white."

"Well, when you think someone is dead and they show up at your window in the middle of the night, it kind of has that effect."

"True, you have a point there." He moved over and sat down on the edge of my bed. If I didn't know any better, I would swear I was dreaming. He was acting as if nothing happened.

"Edward, would you mind explaining what happened?"

"Oh right. Well, you know most of what happened in the fight, right? Demetri didn't kill me. He attacked me and I fought him and Felix. I got hurt pretty badly, even after Emmett stepped in to help, so I needed a few days to heal, but I'm ok now."

Apparently I had missed something. He was alive, standing perfectly normal in my bedroom as he had so many times before. So many thoughts were rushing around in my head, but only one stood out. It was something during the conversation with Carlisle. "Edward wasn't so successful. He was injured very badly." He never said he had died, just injured badly. How could I have missed that? How did I not notice his lack of mourning until that moment? I was very frustrated, but I decided I would get back to that later.

"You're acting like nothing has happened. I thought you were dead, dead because of me. I have been moping around here, driving people crazy while believing I was responsible for your death and you show up like it's no big deal."

"I'm sorry. Really, I am. I don't know how to act really... I heard you killed Aro," he said, looking a bit surprised.

"Yes, another thing that has been bugging me," I told him, looking towards the other side of the room.

"Well, I'm not exactly happy that you did it, but I'm glad you are ok. I wish you would have let someone else do it though."

"Still worried about me being able to protect myself huh? Obviously, I can handle it. I was the only one who had the chance too; I was the closest. It was my life he was threatening and also, I was led to believe he was responsible for your death. Another thing that was a lie. I don't know what to think anymore."

"Bella, please."

"Edward, it's ok. There has just been so much. I don't know. It's just hard. I don't need any explanations. Just knowing you are alive and ok, I'm happy with that."

"So you were pretty upset."

"Yes," I said, folding my arms over my chest and sitting down on the corner of my bed next to him.

"I'm sorry," he kept his eyes on the floor.

"It's ok."

We sat there in silence for a few minutes. I didn't know what to say, or where to even start. The last time I had seen him, he was begging me to attack him. Now he was, what was he doing? The thought that he had truly lost his mind made more sense than anything else did.

"Look Edward,"

"Bella, when I say I'm sorry, it's for everything." We spoke at the exact moment.

I didn't understand what he meant, but I was hoping he wasn't going back to blaming himself again.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry for acting like an idiot. For being so, hot and cold, as some people say. One minute I was ok, the next I was, I don't know loosing it? Like I said, I just don't know how to be around you anymore. I love you, I always will, but I know I can't have you. Not anymore. Your with Jacob now. I understand that. And well, I'm sorry I didn't accept that like I told you I always would have. After all, it's not like imprinting was on your list of things to do that day," he laughed slightly, still looking at the floor.

"Well I didn't expect you to just sit down and take it, but I didn't expect you to act the way you did either. I don't know how a person should act in a situation like that, so I can't really say anything. I don't even know how I would act in a situation like that. Accepting that you didn't love me when you first moved away, that was hard and when I did it, nothing felt real anymore, so I don't expect it to be easy for you. Don't think that just because of the imprinting I don't love and care about you anymore, cause I do. I'm just not in love with you the way I was. It's hard to explain and I don't even know how to. I still don't even expect you to accept it, but I want you to be ok. I want you to be happy somehow, someway and I believe you will be in time."

"You are still way to generous," he laughed. "You should be angry with me, you should kick me right out of your room, which I have no business being in anymore anyways. I just had to see you."

"Friends can do this, but that's all this is, friendship." I smiled and put a hand on his that was sitting on his lap. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, and neither will you, well besides moving, but we can work around that. I still want you in my life, is that too selfish of me? You can say no."

"Of course I wouldn't say no, you should know me better than that. I had a thought earlier though." He paused for a moment before looking out of the window. "I guess we both should have been more specific in what we wanted, because I guess, in a way, we both got what we wanted."

"What are you talking about?"

"I wanted you stay alive, keep your soul. Be able to have children one day if you wanted. You wanted to live forever, with me of course, but we don't always get everything we want. You are alive, breathing and, as long as you chose, you can stay this way forever. We it all, just differently."

"Huh, I never thought of it that way."

We sat there in silence for a little longer until he stood up and started walking towards the window.

"Carlisle said we will be leaving soon. I hope you will stop by the house and say goodbye before we do."

"Of course. I would hate it if you left before I got the chance to thank you all and to see you one last time."

"Maybe it won't be the last time. Who knows, maybe we can visit, or you can visit us wherever we go."

"I would like that. I will miss you all like crazy."

I walked over towards him by the window. He reached out with one arm and put a hand slightly on my waist. He kissed me quickly and softly on my forehead, before ducking out the window and disappearing into the night.

While walking over to my bed to go back to sleep, I felt something crinkle in the pocket of my sweatpants. When I reached my hand in, I pulled a small piece of paper. It read:

Be happy my Bella. No matter what happens in our lives,
as long as you are alive and happy, it makes everything
worth it. I will always be there if you need me to be.

Edward

I was able to sleep peacefully for once and wake in the morning with no nightmares.